Moving on...

Yeah, I cried last night!

I held on to the pillow his head rested on, on the same bed he slept last time and let out all pent up feelings to flow out!

It was a long time!

He did not come to switch off the lights,
to silently remove my glasses
and fold the book I read.

I slept...

Now, I smile, i must 'move on'.....

No! please dont comment!

His memories

I have always hated how some government offices work in snail’s pace! People and especially few women (!!) handle papers and notes as if they are changing diapers of a two months baby! On every such occasion an invisible steam of anger passes off my head and I scream in a dumb voice, “What the heck! Give it to me and I’ll count that wad in a minute!

It was a rainy evening; 6.30 seemed like 8 o’clock as black clouds spread over our heads! Back tyre of my pretty pink bicycle had got a puncture and I rejoiced at the idea of going to dad’s office, so that I could go home late, with him!

I always loved this Harihar MDG during evenings when most of the workers left and dad along with a couple of co-workers used to finalize the day’s accounts. It was an old fashioned building with no definite plan or structure, but He was always proud of its 100+ year’s history and amazing (!!!) post-box like entrance. Well, somehow I loved it!!

He never spoke more than a few words at a time. Those days, discussions with him seemed like dreams (Huumn.. it implies we both were great friends later and used to talk for tens of minutes on phone sometimes!! Yeah, this was an impossible yet true fact!! ).

That evening, He sat at the other side of that huge table facing me; a plate bore the letters “post master”; I asked him,”Pappa, why cant postal department implement computerization throughout? I do not like it when you come home with that tensed face. Computers ease life pappa, softwares can be written for almost anything, other departments are so ‘modern’. Your offices use the same old dull colored papers. (My face had a “yuk” expression) “

His eyes were still on those “dull-colored” papers, with his peculiar way of holding pen, he was signing a paper, his signature was so cute, he smiled, and said, “you write a software, I’ll bring it here and ‘ease’ my life, okay? “

It was back then when I rode my pretty pink bicycle to a 2km away school called “Saint Mary’s Convent”; back then when I fancied the idea of becoming a “Mathematics Lecturer”; when I had no idea I would sometime in future become a software engineer!

Pappa, I can write software for your department now! Can you come back for just once??

Love Story of a Rain Drop

We are coming….
Can you see that shadow?
We are occupying you… captivating you…
You heard me??
We will be right there… only moments later…
We are getting ready.. hold on…

Yea…. We arrive .. :)

Ahhh, that smell…. Ummm, are you happy?
I can feel it darling…. I see you smiling.
I would be thrilled by your touch but for this window pane! Damn it! It cut me off….

You look so beautiful today, your angelic demeanor, long curly hairs, and lotus like eyes (and that they are closed adds to the beauty)! I just feel like falling in love, right here, right now!

Wondering where I learnt all these? All these euphonic words?

Last time I came on earth, I gaped at Him, stared at Him, I stood there, for a very long time indeed. He did not move… not a quarter of an inch, and he did not close his eyes. He stared back at me, there was no violence, there was no remorse too, he just stared at me!
After a minute, It came…. like a thunderbolt, I shuddered; then I realized; he was pleading…. He had a message! His words flowed through his eyes. And I took them all, I grabbed at his words, they were huge but they were light! I held each of them close to my heart so that I would never make them fall off.

I rushed after that. I did not stop. My fellow mates had a nice time partying there at the bottom of the pool, they sang as children splashed on them, they were enjoying the big roller coaster ride of their life. I had a message to deliver and I could not have spared any moment. From the moment I fell on the soil, when mother earth sucked me and sun vaporized me to form a beautiful cloud, I asked myself if I missed something big at that pool!

Now, I’m here, and I know why I missed that fun!

You are a visual feast....ohhh... its treat!! yea, treat or feast, I'm just learning lessons ;)

He was right; you are an angel!

I can see how my friends are rushing now, to reach a pool down there. Some are pushing others too, I avoid them; shout at them to mind their own business. Let them party!

I linger on…
You may have a message for him!

A message from a distorted soul

My Love,

Now it’s time for failed words, failed emotions… You have loved too much and it’s time to take some rest, and most importantly I do understand it!!

So many dreams, a bike ride, singing, writing letters, talking for hours, crazy chats, gifts, a bite on the ear, kisses, hugs and sleeping on your chest!!

A lot of misunderstandings and so much of explanations… Indeed you need a lot of rest………….

What is left that you could have done for me? I’m happy, and a hell lot happy….

Some souls are like that, dissatisfied, uncomfortable, misunderstanding and failing… Ultimately, other souls are fed up, they move … flow… sometimes run… undemanding, unquestioning….. Peace and serenity!

Conclusion: Everything happens for a good cause!

Love again :)

He abandons me… every now and then!

“I’m not satisfied. I want more! Give me a bigger share; don’t I deserve it?
When I offer you my only fruit, you fondly accept it?!! Don’t you believe in ‘giving-back’ theory? “

He answers a NO.. a simple and plain No. And he doesn’t even try to explain why!

Well, I guess he always knew ‘giving’, not ‘giving-back’, because his thoughts are selfless. He never declined my offer because it was my desire to serve him. He never demanded anything.

I was always free, he never held me; it was I who never chose to leave.

Now he abandons me; it doesn’t mean he never comes back. He could be just late. Whatever, I wait here, under the same shade of his trust and I never choose to leave!