Color my world

I was a normal girl .. with normal attainable dreams.... 

A good education, an average looking, well-mannered guy, a life filled with challenges, respect, sensibility and an intelligent kid! I had defined my life like this. I had made it my mantra, to live like this, a steady paced, peaceful, normal life.

But then, I met you!!

So much of spontaneity, rush, wish to do so many things all at once, I was drawn to that nature instantly.

And i fell for you.

You added, salt, sour, and all the required spice to my otherwise going to be a bland life!!

There was an insatiable thirst in you and i wished  I'll cook for you. Rainbows started forming in my sky, there were birds, chirping and singing, butterflies fluttering, yeah it may seem too fantasized to you but I felt that... Seríously..  I did . . . and then I started dreaming a better dream, a colorful dream.

A spacious house, a beautiful garden, two white chairs on the green lawn, pink bougainvillaea on the roof top, a wide window by my bed side, tulips on the rear of that garden, lilac tulips specially, (I wonder whether you know what color is lilac!!) , fresh vegetables on the dining table, fruits, light music and an orange shaded sky on a romantic evening.
 
And we would live many such evenings together, you brushing my hair, I holding your hands tight, aaaanannnnddddd a little kiss may be.. yeahhhh may be ;)...





Each time I laughed with you, cried for you, begged for your mercy [lolz] one more color was added and  I wished I got all those 16 million colors in my life to be hung on the walls of my memory lanes, treating even the passer-by!!     

One day when you  pass by my graveyard you would definitely wonder at your own capacity of coloring others' lives.

Until then, quoting my favorite band, ...


"Baby just


Colour my world, draw on my heart  
Take a picture of what you think love looks like in your imagination  
Write on my soul everything you know 
Use every word you've ever heard to colour my world"

Shades

A lemon yellow tint to the murky grey life.
An orange squash on a sunny day.
A gentle mauve colored sweet smelling lip gel on a cold winter morning.

Friends come in all colors! (smell, shapes and sizes too :P)

Some of them are rainbows. Package of all colors bundled into one.
Its the angle with which you see them makes the difference. Brings out that color in them.

Everyone of us know how a brief chat with a long forgotten friend feels,  how a simple take care text lifts up our spirits and gives us the confidence of conquering world, how a bland nonsense joke makes such a sense when you are with one of those idiots.

You can slap some with the high rated criticism and expect no nice treatment, hug some and get a crunch back.
The ones who care and the ones who don't. The ones who dare and the ones who don't.

You never get tired  talking about them.

Bright and Dark.

Plain and Shiny.

Fresh and Pale.

Thankful to all those colors in my life :-)
Picture perfect!

The comeback

I'm not a celebrity!

No one noticed when I just slipped away from the screen and no one would notice after my coming back as well. But in the time period between the two of those important (to whom? me? ) moments, atleast someone would have felt the emptiness it created.

A little light slitting gap! Like the one a group of sunflowers feel when a cloud passes by on their heads.

A saudade of leaving the held hand of your love, the smudged glitters that trouble you through the back window of a moving bus! Short lived but intense!

But at the same time, like holding on to a piece of split heart chain, hoping to joining it soon, we wait, we smile.

I assume I just saw such a smile... I have made a fabulous comeback!

Congratulations to myself ;)

Madly Crazzzy!!

I want to stand at the edge of the moving train door, carelessly dive out with open hair while someone holds me back, may be tie me up with a shawl and let me dive again....

I want to shout, pointless at a wandering wave on a lonely beach, may be at 3am on a chill winter dusk...

I want to get drunk, go driving madly at great speed on a busy highway ..

I want to get drenched in heavy rains in the middle of a traffic and splash out the pooled water on people around

I also want to rush onto a busy road at the peak office hours while some one takes my hand and forces me to wait...

I have gone crazy....

after all isn't Life one huge mass of crazy chunks?

Yeah, I miss you!

You took me to those worlds I had never been to or not even heard of! I was back in my favorite white frock with big lace flower and a pink front pocket, white and pink shoes sliding over the finest of floors of the biggest of rooms I had EVER seen!!

The jokes about the ‘big fat shopkeeper at the end of the road’, and you mimicking his ghostly face used to make me laugh holding my stomach and roll all over the floor!

The story of your bravery which were made just for me; those stolen candies at a crowded shop reserved only for me; made me feel special!

I would have cried on your shoulder and complained about the bullying big girl next door; I would have come crying for you, hugged you and shared the prizes and gifts I got; I would have held your hand and squeezed it when you felt low and avoided looking at my eyes….

If only …

If only you had been there to make them happen….

How nice it would have been if you in your nice little sneakers and boxer shorts, had grabbed my hands and pulled my pink little frock and led me underneath a giant table in a dark murky forgotten room, closed my eyes and shown me the biggest wonder of the world; a fluttering light emitting butterfly emerging out of your hands.

Wish I had got you in those happening childhood days!

I miss you!

I miss you in the memories of those days… in the sweet fragrance of the dreams of those days!

Help me rebuild the world I always wanted to be in, help me into the dreams of laid friendship. Be my friend forever.

Life is Crazy

Had a deep sleep this evening!

This evening sleeps always make me think harder or say, deeper!

Had this been a summer evening, there would be a pale yellow light everywhere and I would have thought of how life would be for people who have jaundice!

But it had started drizzling!

Well, I walked to a local stationery shop to get some stuff!

The road seemed strangely empty(or was it the effect of this thought"full"ness?!!).

A house was decorated with glittering, colorful lights! There was going to be a marriage soon … What an irony, the house next door, was the house of death, people mourning, their somber faces!! Life is so colorful …. All black and white....

While coming back, same road, I found two little girls, hands on each others shoulders, walking so carelessly, I was just following them, soon one of them stumbled over a stone and the other girl so lovingly supported her! Such an innocent act of kindness moved me instantly!

I also saw someone thrown on the side of the road, drunk may be, who could have been otherwise dining with his family , commenting on the long episodes of his wife's favorite TV soap, and secretly enjoying the food she prepared!

Question: Why is life like this?

By the way, what do I have to do with these incidents? A mere audience?!

[ Blank ]

I want to shrink to the size I was 20 years before!

Blink innocently.....

And I do not want to remember all that I hear, see or feel!

Night

I am concerned more of the time of the day(??!!) 1.16 am on my computer screen …Fan above is making all kinds of creaking sounds…But listening to Shiv Kumar Sharma’s Marwa raaga, is a great feeling of getting drained in the musical rain!!

Wait, …… I just closed my eyes and thought of “Night” .

Ahhh, Night !

The time where those who have been working hard all day go to rest, the lorry wallahs sit by the campfire and gossip, some working in call centers attending all those dirty calls of problems!

Soft giggles of lovers , water ripples on bank of river, the haunting sound of some unknown bird on a distant tree, vehicles speeding on the road, the screeching sound of the tyres on brakes, and laughs of a united friends gang on a cousin’s wedding, the sound of vessles at a party!

I would like to go for a long walk on such a night!

And that hard hitting feeling of being all alone in the world, feeling as if the only person awake!!!!

Eeew......... I'll better sleep now :)

Masked

“This way … 20 yards to the left from the corner of this road, you are almost there, I’m going over there, follow me.” His fingers pointed to the corner as he panted. His face was blood red. I thought he was mad at me for stopping him. But he was in such a hurry, he had no time to even think of showing any particular feeling towards me; he had come running probably from a very long distance. He also carried a heavy backpack and a huge bag in one of his hands.

“He must be lucky” I thought “He must be having a lot of memories”

I was standing there empty handed.

“It’s getting late. Will you not come? I can’t wait longer, see how the queue is growing every second…“

I wished, for a split of a second, our eyes would meet and he would understand all of me.

Alas… he turned, “I’m going …. Have a nice time” he shouted, as he raced, without even looking back!

I guess I wanted to stop him…

But… Everyone else were running towards the corner of the road! He should not miss it!

I took the pass in my hand… It was glittering despite the accumulated dust of long long years.

“It is the ticket to a happier world, you’ll have no worry once you enter it… all you have to do is follow the rules and regulations of the world” somebody had handed the ticket to me in one of those low times of my youthful days.

I had flatly ignored it… Obviously… I never believed happiness is bound to any rules and regulations.

I stepped further...Empty handed…the pass tucked to my waistband…. I had memories too, but I had chosen to leave them behind, anyhow I had dreamt of a happier world, a new world, and so a new me, I dint find a reason to pack my past!

I saw it! It was a golden gate! Walls so high, fresh paints and the view beyond the gate was just awesome… Colors, colors and more colors. I saw people wandering about, everyone seemed happy, everyone smiled!!

The queue was now a maddened crowd… running, shouting, abusing at each other… each of them wanted to be at the other side of the gate, each of them wanted to be more happy!

And… I was going to be one among them. I closed my eyes to let it sink in… “I’ll be happier now on” I sighed!

The shouting, the madness seem to fade, people became silent once they stepped past the golden gate! It was now my turn! I was still closing my eyes. The guard shook me, he snatched my pass, and tucked a paper in my hand and gave me a paper bag.

“Rule: ” the paper said “There’s no going back”

I lifted my chin to thank him… “probably with a wide smile” What I saw was unusual, he had the widest smile and it was the weirdest smile.

I was inside the gate now, I opened the bag, it was a mask, a very stylish mask, and it had the widest smile I ever saw.

Then, I saw it.. Everyone there were smiling .. their masks smiled for them…

The impact of the shock was too cold to bear… nothing really happened to me….. Now, I had to wear the mask too

And the rule said “There’s no going back”!

After all, you did not break my heart

I didn’t know this evening would turn into a wonderful night with a crystal clear sky with shining diamonds and smooth pearls, and then they would start pouring down all of a sudden to soak me completely and trip off on my toes.

I’m not a goddess; oh, I’m not even a charming angel! Miracles never happen with me.

But then, I do not know how I saw you here. Here…. on my lap … Foraying my inner tranquility with those deep brown eyes. Were you here when my hands played on those strings? When I had closed my eyes in expectation of no one in particular but for a seamless beauty to manifest in front of me? Did you blow a sweet wind of love on my face which was partly hidden behind the flitting black hair?

But.... But….Can that be possible anyhow?

There is no light anywhere…. All the light beads have dripped off and flowed into the sea.. and I am not on the shore anymore…

I am drowning … Deep into the night…

Should I let myself drown? Or should I put my arms around your shoulders?